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  • Writer's pictureMona Cooley

Seeking to Understand


What motivates you to make-a-decision? What inspires you to leap into action? What blocks you to make-a-decision or leap into action? Being curious is the road to understanding more about what motivates or inspires you. Something I discovered about myself which surprised me… I like a challenge. The surprise is that I can get very frustrated with challenges then struggle to know what to do. Admitting I don’t know what to do is frustrating because I should know what to do. What is right about this dialogue?

Being curious to ask questions about my thinking.

The next question to ask: What could you change about your dialogue? The words that pop for me are: frustrated, admitting, struggle… exploring what is meant to you about these words can reveal other underlying emotions and feelings. Everyone will have different meanings don’t assume you know what it means to someone else. The purpose is to be curious to learn more about what is happening. One word that really sticks out for me is SHOULD. "Shoulding" all over yourself, you will likely be less motivated to do anything then guilt sets in. The dialogue in your head is not saying good things, now your self-esteem is beaten up.

January 30, 2019 Bell Lets Talk encouraged people to have conversations and not keep quiet. The overwhelming numbers of people, children, youth, adults, seniors, all cultures, professionals struggling with mental health issues, addiction, suicide and all of this is multiplying fast. If you are nervous to talk to someone because you feel shame or you don’t to talk about your situation, I have a question for you? Has keeping quiet saved people from the pain and suicide? Ask the person who has been suffering for a long time to hear if keeping quiet helped them? It would be no!! The relief they got when they talked to someone, sharing their feelings of pain stuffed inside and hearing another perspective of their thinking helped them to realize there was hope. What I know for sure of our own story is our family was collapsing under the pressures of conflict, frustration and had no idea what to do different. When we had to haul our daughter to the hospital, told the news of her illness, we were referred to someone who had lived experience and JUMPED ON THE OPPORTUNITY. If we had not reached out, I truly believe our story would not be full of hope and feeling in control of being able to pull together to work out those pesky situations. Knowing we were not alone, could connect with someone who gets it was the biggest relief!!! I didn’t give a dam what it took to get rid of the constant conflict, I wanted it done!!

What is your story A OR B when painful situations happen?

A: Faced with painful situation, Reached out for help, Worked through the struggles, Learned the tools that made a difference, Have positive outcomes and Shares successes with others so they can have pain relief.

B: Faced with painful situation, Decided to work through the issue, Situation didn’t improve, Kept trying to fix the situation, Situation gets worse, Reached out to a friend, Friend referred to someone who could help and what happened? Reached out or Did not reach out? What was the decision? Some will reach out to explore their options and others may not be ready to reach out.

Bell Lets Talk created a frenzy of shows such as The Social, The Marilyn Denis Show, Television all had people sharing their experiences of struggles, successes, and encouraging others to reach out. When our daughter Candace recovered from her episodes, I asked her if she would be willing to speak at the group sessions I was facilitating. She agreed as she experienced the results of our family supporting her instead of pointing the finger at her to be fixed. This made a difference to her recovery because we were approaching situations with better communication and checking in with her to what was working or not working. I remember the day she said it made a difference because we were walking side by side instead of fight or flight.

I will not forget our son-in-law (Collin who was dating Candace at the time) telling me after chaos had turned to calmness, saying “he nearly jumped out the window listening to us fighting, screaming and slamming doors”. This was hard to hear however it was the truth. The Mirror of chaos was real and alive! We didn’t observe this as we thought it was normal. This was a wake-up call for me. Others are noticing what is going on whether we are aware of it or not. We show more than we know when life is not going well. Something else, kids are more sensitive than ever to what is not going well and they may react with outbursts, frustrations, anger or not wanting to talk.

Back to the questions I asked at the beginning. What motivates you to make-a-decision? What inspires you to leap into action? What blocks you to make-a-decision or leap into action? What happened with your choices?

This discussion is something that I felt compelled to approach. Watching families in a PLATE FULL of PAIN that keeps getting worse and worse reminds me of where we were. It took us up to 7 years to work through all the challenges to have the confidence we can manage those difficult situations when they appear. Eruptions can happen, are you ready to manage them so you can have peace, conversations to work through the problems presented and have the joy of laughter again. The choice is up to you, help is available, it is up to you to reach out to get it.

LUV to hear your comments!!!

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