When you see a person overwhelmed with how to change what is not working in their life, they feel sad, hopeless, helpless and unsure of what to do to change their situation. Usually hear “I have tried everything and nothing is changing”. Feeling disappointed and disheartened is a downer.
When you see a person uplifted, less helpless, less stress on their face and smiling with hope sends shivers down the spine. Then they exclaim saying: I didn’t tip toe, I decided to have an honest conversation stating what feeling and thinking. Getting to this point of starting a conversation usually starts with “I don’t know how to start the conversation”. This can be difficult if you don’t know how and the fear is facing conflict.
In order to start a conversation is creating a space for the individual to express what their fear of starting a conversation, what they are feeling and what would like to say without the fear of conflict? The questions help them to think and talk it through so they can decide what is going to work for them. Another question asked is “would you be open to some ideas for you to consider”. Through this process, they will start to feel more comfortable in how to start their conversation. They may say, “ I feel frustrated when I was promised the dishes would be done” Or “ I noticed you were frustrated when you came home, do you want to talk about it? They may say no, I don’t want to talk about it. Then you can say, I am here if you do want to talk about it. The key to this last comment, is you noticed that they were frustrated. This gives them time to think about it.
Using these tips starts a conversation with less emotion, and a chance for more dialogue. If you don’t try something different don’t expect different results. It is about starting a conversation rather than ignoring it or reacting. Practice makes for better conversations.
