When a family attends the 10-week session, it takes time to make progress with making decisions about difficult situations, but when the light bulb pops on, it is exciting! What helps the situation is being asked questions about what is being said. Asking questions challenges our perspective of the situation. Until the situation is challenged, our thinking can be one-sided instead of thinking of other ways to manage situations. In the process of trying to figure out what to do differently with a situation, the mind is challenged to think of something different. Yet, when challenged to answer a question, the mind searches for an answer. Eventually a thought will appear about what to do different with a situation.
It’s exciting to watch participants go through the process of thinking, and then discovering, a different way to improve a situation. It’s almost like Boom! An idea pops into their head and they are excited! This happened recently, when I was asked what to do about a client’s situations. I said I would come back to them once we complete the round table of answers to the topic we were on. When the time came to address the situation, the participant said I have an idea of what to do. When they stated what they were going to do, they were pleased with their decision. They took ownership of their decision. They received validation for coming up with an idea that they could follow through with. The best part was witnessing the other person engage in the process and discover how the other person could hear and implement their own idea.
3 things happened to make a decision and take ownership of the situation:
1. Instead of jumping in to answer a question, the person was left to think for a time
2. The ideas started percolating while waiting – the mind was working it through
3. Then boom some ideas came to manage the situation and a decision was made
The message here is: you are more capable of coming up with your own answers to make a decision of what needs to be done in a situation. The other message is to not be so quick to jump in and tell someone what to do, instead give them time to come up with their own answers. Think about this. When you come up with your own idea, do you take action more quickly then someone telling you what to do? Jumping in to give answers is not always the best solution to a situation; let the mind percolate to see what it will tell you. So the next time someone wants you to give him or her an answer to a question of what to do, ask him or her what ideas do they think is possible? They will surprise themselves because they had the answer all along.
Making a decision can be challenging, however, you have the ability to discover your own answer.
Try this: when you need help with a situation, get a person to ask you a few questions about what you are struggling with before you hear what they may have to offer. Then hear their ideas and see what idea you will choose. Don’t be surprised if it is your idea.
You are capable of making a decision in difficult situations.