The Reality of Family Situations go up and down. Understanding how we react to traumatic situations, what we feel and think when we go through them and what we do to work through situations. After the storm is over, calmness sets in and what happens next will either have you ready to make changes now or not.
We need to have Real Conversations about the "Reality of Family Situations".
The reality hit our family in 1995 when we took our family member to the hospital. This was after she came home from a hike with friends telling us about having a near death experience, got lost and couldn't find way out. Her and two others were struggling to get out but eventually they did get out.
The whole week following this near death experience, we noticed she wasn't sleeping, was pacing, excessive exercise. Emotions were up and down. Telling people she had the cure for AIDS, broke up with her boyfriend. Then everything blew apart at our Sunday Night Dinner - bible in hands, had the cure for aids - took off with siblings chasing her and having to take her to the hospital. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
This was an emotional time for our family. her feeling embarrassment and disillusionment and feeling her mind failed her. Her siblinglings, my husband and I were lost of what to do to understand what she was going through and we had no idea of how to approach this stuation. We were lost and emotionally a wreck. How did we deal with this. We had to deal with the situation but out communication was a problem especially this person writing this. Growing up on the farm with the attitude of:
get up, get at it and get over it.
I learned this was not going to help this situation, it was going to hinder it so I had to do something different of which I had no clue what that would be.
What helped us on our journey to work through these difficult times were the following:
Our daughter was in her third year of nursing. I had to phone the U of Calgary to make sure she had completed her courses. I connected with the professor to make sure her courses were completed, they were.
I told her what had happened. She referred me to a lady who could help me to know what to do next. Hung up the phone and called her. She was living with bipolar disorder so I received some understanding of the disorder and then she said to me "take care of yourself". I lost it saying I don't have time to take care of myself! Her words to me - "if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of someone else". I said fine and hung up! She was being HONEST WITH ME, IT WAS SOMETHING I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR. I give her credit to this day for those wise words!!! She was our guiding light of talking to the siblings, boyfriend( now husband), Ted when he got home and to our daughter. A gift that keeps on giving!
Our daughter's psychiatrist had a family meeting with every family member attending except for Ted who was working in northern Alberta and our daughter. Well he soon realized how our family dynamics worked - we reacted to comments, with our daughter stomping out of the room. This was a wake up call for me as I was reacting as well and this was not going to work.
Reached out to CMHA Calgary asking if I could talk to someone who was living with a disorder who could help me to understand what I needed to do different. They had a group with individuals living with mental illness and gave me permission to attend to learn what I could from them. This was the beginning of me changing what I was in control of - ME.
Our family reached out for help, received it and we had to change our approach especially me. If I had not changed, I could not tell you this: Our relationships were salvaged,daughter recovered with us all walking beside her, she received her MBA and is supporting me in my business - Cool Family Solutions. Plus our family work as a team when difficult situations arise ( unconditional love) even if we don't always agree. We continue to be tested to see how we do in difficult times.
Key points: our family dynamics had to have modification in how we approached situations especially how we communicated. We learned through trial and error with us continuning to work as team during the difficult times.
What Cool Family Soluions does: Coach Families through difficult situations using our strength-based 10-week program.
Philosophy: LIVED IT, LEARNED IT, LEANED INTO IT, LOVED IT
"IT" stands for "Transference of positive change in family dynamcis"
BY: "lived experience, learned what worked, leaned in practicing what worked and love what WE do coaching families through the difficult times.
REALITY OF FAMILY DYNAMICS - IS ABOUT HOW YOU COMMUNICATE WHEN APPROACHING DIFFICULT SITUATIONS.
MONA COOLEY - www.coolfamilysolutions.com email.mona.cooley@coolfamilysolutions.com
403.512.5558
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